Feedback That Actually Lands

Introduction

“Just throw strikes.”

That was the shining pearl of feedback my son once got during a Little League game. He’d just walked two batters in a row. When I headed out to the mound for a chat to help him get centered and figure out what to do to improve his pitching, a parent barked “Just throw strikes!” My son looked at me and said, “Well gee, why didn’t I think of that?”

We’ve all been there — on the giving or receiving end of feedback that’s too vague, too late, or too sugarcoated to be useful. Managers stay silent because they don’t want conflict. Leaders default to gimmicks like the “sandwich method.” Neither works. The result? Trust erodes, growth stalls, and the same problems repeat. If your feedback can be restated as “stop sucking, be more better,” it fails. If the learner could Just Do It, your feedback wouldn’t be necessary.

I know what you are thinking, “Stop being pedantic, that parent was just encouraging the pitcher!” Encouragement is vital; so stipulated. But, encouragement is not the same as feedback. Hopefully this post will help you see that these two things aren’t the same, and you’ll have the knowledge to intentionally choose to give feedback vs encouragement.

Here’s the bottom line up front (BLUF)

Optimal feedback is:

• Accurate – based on multiple assessments with inter-observer agreement, not just subject to one person’s bias
• Structured – this enables complete, predictable and efficient feedback
• Behavioral, not personal – focus on concrete observable actions, not value judgements about the person
• Timely – ideally proximate to the event but potentially delayed if the learner’s mindset isn’t open to hearing feedback
• Balanced – Actions to sustain are as important as actions to change/improve

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Why Feedback Matters

Let’s start with why feedback is vital: 

Feedback is the key enabling behavior of mentorship

Some mentors make feedback all about themselves. One of the guiding principles of this blog is that the mark of a true mentor is the fondest wish that your protégé will surpass you, and that you’ll take an active hand in helping them get there. Feedback isn’t about proving you’re the smartest person in the room. It’s about helping someone else get better. Kim Scott’s Radical Candor frames this well. She envisions a 2×2 matrix with caring on one axis, and honesty on the other. This leaves us with 4 quadrants: caring and honest, not caring and dishonest, caring and dishonest, and not caring and honest: the sweet spot is caring personally and challenging directly.

• Without care, feedback feels harsh. It may be true, but it probably won’t be received and acted on. 
• Without honesty, it’s hollow flattery. you’ve gone thru the motions of giving feedback
• Miss both, you are either “killing with faint praise” or silently ignoring the learner.
• With both, feedback becomes a key mentorship behavior.

I once had a resident present a case at morning report… poorly. He thought he’d crushed it. I asked, “Did you notice that nobody looked you in the eye or spoke to you afterward?” His realization was instant. I told him, “You presented like you were already the smartest guy in the room. Next time, keep the same level of passion for your case, but present with the goal of letting the attending physicians in the room make you smarter about your case than when you started.”

It stung, but he said later it was the best feedback he’d ever gotten because it gave a clear direction forward, and it was obvious that I wanted him to become a better presenter and physician. Caring personally and challenging directly — that’s the essence.

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The Sandwich Method: Fast Food Feedback

Most everyone knows the “compliment–critique–compliment” trick. There are many reasons this approach persists. Yes, it is a structure and makes feedback quick and easy, lending to timeliness. It has some balance by including sustain and improve observations. And, there is nothing inherent in the method that makes the feedback inaccurate. All in all this method is definitely better than silence. But it is suboptimal for actually creating behavior change.

• People remember the first or last thing you said (primacy/recency effect). The constructive bit in the middle? Forgotten.
• Learners may misidentify what they did right. Sustaining feedback is vital — not just for encouragement but to help them recognize real strengths. But if the “fix” is buried, they walk away remembering fluff, not the thing that matters.
• And it often feels manipulative. People smell inauthenticity.

I admit I’ve used it and on retrospect, it’s usually because I was trying to make sure I did something. On one of my youth baseball teams, a kid had overthrown first base three times. I said, “Nice hustle,” then, “Set your feet before you throw,” and closed with, “You’re working hard, keep it up.” He grinned and ran off — and promptly airmailed another throw into the dugout. He remembered the praise. He forgot the correction.The sandwich is fast food feedback: filling in the moment, but nutritionally empty.

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A Better Alternative: Sustain / Delta / Next Step

Here’s what works better: Sustain → Delta → Next Step.

• Sustain: What’s working. What to keep doing.
• Delta: What could be different. Where change would help.
• Next Step: A clear action or adjustment to make progress.

When I debrief medical trainees:

• “You kept the team calm and focused during intubation — keep that steady demeanor as a leader.” (Sustain)
• “Your arm angle made it difficult to open the mouth fully, and left you prone to chipping teeth.” (Delta)
• “Next time, anchor your elbow against your hip and lift with your body, not your wrist.” (Next Step)

Short. Memorable. Actionable. Useful for high performers and strugglers alike.

Check my entire post so far. Notice I haven’t said “good/bad” or “positive/negative.” Words matter, and these words can carry the notion of a value judgement, even if you didn’t intend it. Feedback should be about observed behavior, not personal judgment; so use words that refer to actions and behaviors. Sustain, maintain, keep, change, improve, stop. These words don’t address the person, they answer the question, “What do I do here?”

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Timing Is Everything

The gold standard: as close to the event as possible. But context matters.

• After a crushing failure? Immediate critique is cruel. When my ICU team lost a patient after a brutal resuscitation, they didn’t need a lecture on chest compressions. They needed space, a cup of coffee, a text to and from a loved one. We debriefed later that shift, when they were ready to hear it, and ready to point out the correct actions that occurred. This is nearly impossible to do after a loss, and going “too soon” can negate half the function of feedback.
• When they’re oblivious? That’s different. I once had a trainee beam after finishing a procedure — unaware they’d contaminated the sterile field. That was the moment to freeze and point it out. Waiting would have lost the lesson that although the procedure steps were correct, the aseptic skill technique was creating a hazard. Letting the belief that “it went great” consolidate overnight would make the constructive portion of the feedback less impactful. It invites the question, “if this was so important, why did you wait to tell me?”

Rule of thumb: feedback must be timely and usable. If they can’t hear it yet, wait. If they can, don’t delay. This leads nicely to another radical idea to make feedback more likely to be put to use.

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Make Feedback Collaborative

There are two hurdles addressed by collaborative feedback. One is building the skills of feedback in your protégé so they can begin to self-assess and self-develop. The other is to create an environment in which feedback is sought out and welcomed. There are two different collaboration tactics to address these, so let’s start with how protégé skills development.

The optimal way to get your protégé to flex their feedback muscle: Let them go first.

Ask the learner:

• “How do you think that went?”
• “What worked? What would you change?”
• “Where do you want to go from here?”

My son bombed his first chess tournaments. Turns out an Army brat just gets used to the idea of an after action review so I asked, “How did that go?” He said he had fun, won a couple of games, but realized he’d need lessons with opening study and tactics puzzles to improve. His exact words: “I’m talented, but not talented enough to win without work.” He owned the problem and the solution — because he said it first. Best Jedi mind trick – get them to make it their idea to improve.

Feedback is pretty easy to learn to structure. None of what is written above is rocket surgery, and with practice and repetition it becomes an intuitive new normal. The real trick is creating the environment in which feedback is welcome, sought out and incorporated enthusiastically. Check out Douglas Stone’s and Sheila Heen’s Thanks For The Feedback for a more in depth resource.  If you want to create change, be that change. You go first! Ask your protégé for feedback on you. Sure, they are less experienced so asking them feedback on a skill you are helping them hone seems like the theater that it is. But, who is more qualified to give you feedback on your mentoring skills/behaviors? Try it. Ask, “How’s this working for you? What should I keep doing, and what should I change?” That concretely demonstrates humility and care — the same things you’re asking of them.

Mentorship is a two-way street. Feedback works best as dialogue, not decree.

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Takeaways

• Skip the sandwich — it’s fast food feedback.
• Anchor in care + honesty. Without both, it won’t land.
• Use Sustain / Delta / Next Step for clarity and action.
• Deliver feedback that’s timely and contextual.
• Keep it collaborative: invite self-assessment and make it a conversation.

When you do this, feedback stops being dreaded. It becomes how you mentor, how you lead, and how people grow.

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Your Turn

What’s the best — or worst — feedback you’ve ever received? Drop it in the comments. You might help someone else learn how to give feedback that actually lands.

Our next series of posts will be about what gets in the way of action after we receive feedback that lands.