7 Dirty Words-The Final Word: Moving Beyond the Seven Dirty Words to Flourish

Introduction:

Congratulations, you’ve made it through the Seven Dirty Words series! Throughout this journey, we’ve explored how innocuous words like Should, Always, Never, Except, Must, Just, and Only subtly influence our thinking, and subsequently our behavior. These tiny rhetorical gremlins quietly restrict thinking, reinforce limiting beliefs, and keep us stuck. This wasn’t just about words—it was about taking control of your thoughts and actions to create a life aligned with your values and strengths.

So with acknowledgement that even with this knowledge we are all works in progress, let’s reflect on what we’ve learned, the major themes that emerged, and, most importantly, how to become more skilled in anticipation and recognition of the seven dirty words and continue applying these insights moving forward.

Key Takeaways from the Series: Common Themes

1. Language Shapes Reality

The words we use influence perception, emotion, and behavior. One of our ground rules on this site is “Words Mean Things“.  That’s usually an admonition to be precise in one’s language, and I hope this series has made it clear why it’s so important to strive for precise language–> because words reflect our thoughts, and thoughts lead to actions. In this sense perhaps we can restate our ground rule as “Words Do Things“. Let’s review the specific things these words do.

Each dirty word limited possibility in its own way:

•   Should = External pressure and unmet expectations
•   Always/Never = Rigid, emotionally amplifying absolutes
•   Except/Must = The inner critic imposing artificial limits
•   Just/Only = Self-diminishment and false modesty

    By becoming aware of these patterns, we give ourselves the chance to be mindful of our thoughts and words. This mindfulness and awareness can provide us space between thought and action. That space is crucial to regain agency; over our mindset, over our thoughts, and ultimately over our behaviors.

2. Positive Psychology as a Framework for Growth

Was this series about the words… or was there another purpose?

Okay, ya got me!

My goal wasn’t *simply* a review of 7 words and a focus on concrete skills/techniques to free yourself from them. Of course, that was the primary function, and I hope it was helpful. But I also wanted to introduce you to the discipline of positive psychology.  Maybe you think it was a ruse that I weaved positive psychology into all of these posts. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.  The 7 dirty words are an important marker of our mindset, thoughts and attitudes, but to go deeper in dealing with them, several concepts, tools and tactics from positive psychology research will be valuable. 

• Self-Determination Theory showed how autonomy, competence, and relatedness fuel intrinsic motivation and well-being.
• The PERMA Model reinforced the importance of Accomplishment—owning achievements is critical for personal growth.
• We leveraged character strengths (Humility, Authenticity, Gratitude) as counterbalances to the dirty words’ restrictive effects.

As this blog continues to progress and Paul and I refine our message, be prepared for us to expand our discussion and treatment of concepts in positive psychology. We hope you receive as much from the discipline as we have, and this series focusing on high yield management of words that plague our very thoughts is just the beginning. 

3. The Power of Asking Better Questions

There is power in curiosity and questions! Usually the attitude is that asking a question is a sign of weakness because it shows you don’t know everything. Remember how much power you have in being humble (i.e. grounded in reality) and asking a question. It was no accident that each and every one of our antidotes to the words was a questions, and the follow on mindfulness exercises were formed around an observation, question or other form of curiosity in action. 

Each dirty word had an antidote in the form of a powerful question:

•   Should → What do I actually want?
•   Always/Never → What’s the truth in this situation?
•   Except → Why am I discounting my success?
•   Must → Why not? What else is possible?
•   Just/Only → What if I acknowledged my achievement instead?

Asking the right question breaks cognitive restrictions and opens up new possibilities. The power in questioning is that it reveals whether what is being questioned is equally grounded or trying to put one over on you.

***Spoiler alert*** If you hire a good coach or competent mentor, they are going to help you gain insight with powerful, risk taking questions.  Why not use this technique yourself?

4. Mindfulness as a Tool for Awareness and Change

• Mindfulness helped us recognize these words in the moment and regain control over automatic thought patterns.
• We also explored preemptive mindfulness—noticing the emotional states that precede the use of these words, preventing the thought trap before it starts.

This concept of mindfulness is the real super-power you are working on with this series. The more honed this skill becomes the faster and earlier you will catch these words. Let’s move on to how to get better at this vital tactic!

Start by trying to catch the words as you say them, and reframe/redirect yourself by using the questions/mindfulness exercises we discussed. From there the next step is catching yourself thinking the words before you say them, so you can avoid them. Finally, becoming mindful of your emotional, cognitive, and spiritual state so you know when you would be prone to thinking the dirty words will allow you to work on yourself and your mindset.  The ultimate goal is to  achieve a better state of mind  and stay many steps ahead of the dirty words and their thought traps!

Next Steps: How to Continue This Work

This is not the end—this is the beginning of a new level of awareness and personal growth. Reading and understanding are great (believe me we appreciate you being here). But these aren’t enough by themselves to have an impact. You must cross the bridge from gaining knowledge to taking action.

Here’s how to keep building momentum:

1. Keep Practicing Awareness

• For the next week, track which dirty words still show up in your thoughts.
• Note when they arise, what triggers them, and how they make you feel.
• Awareness is the first step in replacing limiting language with more empowering alternatives.

2. Experiment with Reframing Techniques

• Challenge yourself to use a counter-technique each day:
•   Replace “Should” with “Want” or “Could”
•   Swap “Always/Never” for a fact-based reality check
•   Replace “Just/Only” with a full acknowledgment of your contribution
• Observe how these small changes shift your mindset and confidence

3. Explore Deeper Positive Psychology Topics

• Revisit the character strengths framework—which strengths resonate with you most?
• Dive into goal-setting models (GROW, WOOP) to apply these concepts to real-life decision-making.
• Consider working with a coach or mentor to further develop self-awareness and resilience.

4. Engage with the Community

• Share your experiences in the comments—Which dirty word was hardest for you to break?
• What strategies worked best for you?
• Let’s continue the conversation!

5. Stay Tuned for the Next Phase: Video Content!

• Short videos reinforcing these lessons will be the next step to deepening understanding.
• Follow along for practical, visual tools to reinforce and expand these concepts.

Final Words: You Have the Tools—Now Use Them

Your language reflects your mindset, and your mindset shapes your life.

This series has equipped you with **awareness, counter-tactics, and positive psychology tools to shift your thinking. What happens next is up to you.Keep questioning, keep growing, and most of all-keep choosing words that empower rather than restrict.

What’s Your Next Step?

Comment below:

• Which of the Seven Dirty Words was hardest for you to break?
• Which counter-tactic resonated most?
• What’s one thing you’ll do differently moving forward?