“Do you believe she is a good person?”

When I was about 17, I saw my younger sister, Monique, smoking on our front porch…again. I decided to confront my Dad…

Me: How could you allow her to smoke right in front of you. She is disrespecting you and embarrassing our family in front of the whole neighborhood and, you are allowing her to harm herself.

Dad (after allowing me to continue to rant until I needed to take a breath): Paul, do you believe she is a good person?”

After a good 10 second pause…

Me (in a humbled tone ): “Yes.”

Dad (putting his hand on my shoulder): I also believe Monique is a good person. Furthermore, I believe you are a good person and believe you feeling upset about this comes from a good place. I don’t like what she is doing anymore that you do and I have made that clear to her. Now you need to trust that I am handling this the way I want to handle it as your Dad and trust that she will figure this out when she is ready to figure it out.

I don’t remember when Monique stopped smoking, but it was shortly after that.

Years later, I think about this situation fairly often. In many ways, Monique is now the person I most try to emulate and the first call I make when I need counsel. My Dad is gone, but he will forever be the man, father and leader I want to be.

Today when I find myself observing a behavior I do not like, in someone I care about, I pause and ask myself, “Paul, do you believe ____ is a good person?”